Romace of Smiles

He has a thing for blondes. Dare I tell you much more? This town is so small, it’s lurid, for me to have these thoughts….how often it is that I play with fire. Run my eyes along razor blades and smile. And yes, he has a thing for blondes, a mansion, a wife with fake tits, and a kid my age.

This man, I have known for a year or so, he found me at the end of the bar one evening in a baseball cap and bluejeans. Immediately I knew he wasn’t like all the other cowboys that liked to pay me attention. Witty, cleaver, knowing, man read me like he’d known me for 10 years. He’s not much to look at but boy you couldn’t get me to turn away from him if you tried.

I can’t say much about how we got on to know each other. Our relationship has always been platonic. With those not so platonic text messages at random times and that comfortable silence I’ve only shared with a few folks in my life. He knows it. And I wonder if we had met at a different time in our lives what may have been.

He truly makes me smile. Built a small empire out of nothing and smiles a lot but I see all this brokenness behind that, all that shit that made him. And I know thats why we can sit in silence. Why he enjoys my wonderment, and quiet. He sees past my pretty face. Most men don’t.

And folks will ask me how I can talk about other men when I am married. Maybe there is something wrong with me, or maybe I am just honest? I am not so sure I have the ability to love any one person forever, entirely. I love my husband. We have our relationship, he loves me very much. I still crave other things in other people. I cannot get all of my nourishment from any one food why should I get all of my love from any one person? It doesn’t seem natural to me.

So I keep these things with me. Some of them I can touch, some, I cannot. This is more a romance of smiles and sparkling eyes, and the comfort of understanding in another human. It’s the kind of romance that gives me butterfiles. Who knows? maybe if I touched it I’d break it’s wings….