So I’ve been away for awhile, not writing or thinking about much, I don’t much want to think. Focusing on moving forward. Remodeling my RV was a good decision. It is good manual labor, and it’s keeping me occupied thinking about stupid shit like how to install sinks and trimming doorways.
Right now my plan is to get this RV redone. It’s plently big enough for me and if I set it up correctly I can live in it for some time while I continue to save up cash for a big land purchase. I’ve actually quite warmed upto the idea of “tiny” living, it’s fun, and kinda suits me. Part of me feels slightly nuts right now, the thing is litterally torn down to subfloor boards lol… BUT it will be awesome after I get it all put back together the way I want it :) my biggest hang up at the moment is my dining table :/ ordering a custom one is more $ than I am willing to drop but I don’t feel my skills are upto making one i would absolutely love. I swear I always fuck up finish on large wood peices.
I deleted all the dating apps that I had downloaded on my phone…well except Tinder lol…I keep that around for entertainment purposes ;) (the shit you find on there is hillarious…seriously, if you need some entertainment just look at the dudes on tinder sometime)
Don’t know what the hell I was thinking? that is the very last thing I need to be concerning myself with at the moment. I had this immediate rush of insecurity, freak out, that I’m 31 and no longer happily married with 2 kids, house and everything. I needed to go get that back ASAP. Yeah, nope. Actually I never want that back. It’s not me, it never really fullfilled me.
At best I want someone I enjoy spending time with, someone that dosn’t require any commitment because I never want to be tied down again. I want to love full heartedly, hell maybe even trust someone someday, but that will not come with commitment. In anycase I decided “looking” for that is a bad idea. I will focus on rebuilding me and if fate pushes something awesome in my direction, I’ll try not to push back ;)
Anyhow, nothing exciting going on with me. Unless you consider getting up off the RV bench you are sitting on mid sentence and finding a hammer to start ripping it out of the wall exciting. I may just be losing it. That's actually how that decision went.