Open relationship

My first "date" is tomorrow evening in this open relationship thing we are trying. I don't really have any expectations, just hoping he actually shows up. I have this really huge insecurity that I'm being made a joke of. That he isn't really interested, just fucking with me. I have no reason to think this. Just this big part of me still doesn't think I am worthy.

I have hundreds of guys that would like to go out with me. I've found exactly one so far that I may be interested in. I dunno if I'm picky. Maybe I am. I have a really hard time being "physically" attacked to men. I need to know that I can have decent conversation with them, then they become attractive. Is this normal? People who stimulate me mentally have always held more appeal to me. I cannot do small talk.

His profile page has 3 photos, and while he's a very physically fit attractive guy he chose just a headshot with glasses for his first photo. That says, non-douche bag. About me section is another story. It has bright red flashing warning signs all over it. "Coming out of a 10 year marriage, not looking for a rebound. Want something light and drama free. Emotionally secure, and educated." Yeah, so basically he is probably still mourning that whole marriage thing and can't help but get himself involved in something deep and dramatic. Anyone who has to say that they are emotionally secure out loud is basically 3 shrink appointments away from a breakdown, or gay? Silver lining, points for being "educated" and not listing off your stupid degrees or schools. There is a difference anyhow and I hope the choice in glasses as a cover photo proves me correct.

Ive never dated. Ever. Never been on an actual date. This will be the first one. I feel for people doing this shit. My husband was really the third guy I was ever with and we more just hooked up and hung out in our very short courtship.

The pretense here is sex anyhow. It's not like an actual date. It's more like a screening to see if hooking up is possible. Guess that's still not a "real" date per say. I'm ok with all of that. I'm hoping the screening goes well and we have some wild amazing sex. That is pretty much the goal here. If I can make a friend out of the deal, cool, if not whatever.

So everyone wish me luck!