how it began

People often ask me how I got started doing all of this. It was a long chain of events that started years ago really. You see I didn't even have social media, I was the kind of person that could go days without looking at my cell phone. The only reason I had one was to keep in touch with my husband.

This was back when we were stationed in Moreno Valley CA I was at the mall one afternoon with my kids letting them play at the park. We walked past a sign for a 'Torrid' brand model search. I dunno what struck me that day? Fate, fate kicked me in the ass like and angry mule. I went home and told my husband I was going to enter it which for me at that time was absurd. I may as well have committed to learning how to walk on fire.

But I did. I was fucking mortified, terrified, losing my mind clearly I went and bought a pair of heels. One of the things that they required to enter the search was an Instagram profile. Ok, wtf is instagram? it was like 2015 and I didn't know what it was because I made homemade bread and woodcarving was an actual hobby of mine. But I figured out how to make a profile, I was committed to this idiotic idea.

Nothing came of the model search other than it being the first of many times over the coming years that I would force myself to step so clearly out of my comfort zone. I got dressed up, drove all the way into LA by myself to go to the casting. It was all very much out of the realm of comfort for me. I actually took my stupid heels off to walk to the casting from where I had parked because I couldn't walk in them and didn't want to break my ankles. Committed.

I had discovered on IG this community of curvy women, unapologetically curvy. Women who were sexual with their bodies, women who had an air of freedom about them that I so longed for. One of them was a gal named London Andrews who at that time had a sort of cult following on IG. I sat by and watched her with awe. Then one day she followed me for some reason. 2 years later we would have the chance to laugh about this sitting in a hot tub together in FL.

Life is funny like that, some things are set in motion, some stars aligning long before we ever see their path. Her following me, little old boring housewife me with her fabulous life of travel, freedom, and modeling gave me great pause. Made my wheels turn.

So fast forward 6 months we were now stationed in Nevada, bought our first house, life should have been so fulfilling. Two kids career military husband, I was a stay at home mom, farm animals, but I was miserable. Saying it out loud makes me sound like an asshole and you'd have to know the whole story to understand but this was never the life I wanted. This was the life I said 'yes' to and created because I thought it would make me happy if I just did a good enough job. Dinner on the table every night, home made everything, I devoted myself to my family so completely there was little left of me.

So I lost it one day. It literally happened just like this. We were working in the back field clearing some ground and I just said plain and simple to my husband "I need you to take a sexy photo of me, I'm going to do what London does and travel". It was that simple to me. I had again made a decision I was going to put myself out of my comfort zone at all costs to find this feeling of freedom I so longed for.

That photo was horribly awkward at best.I hopped up on the farm gate and tried in vain to hike up my itty bitty cleavage. I didn't know how to be sexy but I was damn sure going to figure it out. And day after day I continued to fake it. Faked feeling sexy, faked being happy, faked it all. People greatly underestimate the simple power of being confident in a situation in which you really aren't, of faking it. I faked my way into a large following right off.

Then came time to start actually making money. I had numerous people pushing me to do this, thankfully or I probably never would have. I didn't think highly enough of myself to ask people to spend their hard earned money on me. 'Like' a photo sure, but thats free. I set up my accounts and they were successful so much that I had yahoo news write articles on the stay at home mom that was striking it big selling sexy photos online.

I've come to enjoy doing what I do. Being naked for a living is fun most of the time. There are those that tell me I will regret this or call me a whore, yadda yadda, I've heard it all. The thing is that I wasn't forced into this. I didn't need the money or the attention or validation. I chose this for reasons that if I have to explain them to you...well you just wont understand anyhow.

This stilly little chain of events, of being open to what the universe has to offer has changed my life completely. For the better. It has literally taken me around the world. I have that sense of freedom and wonderment back, I dream, I am doing something for me. And I suppose the part that throws everyone is 'what' I'm doing....It could have been anything. Maybe you have an extreme desire to go to school to be a chef, I dunno, whatever, I had to find me. Myself as a woman, my nakedness, my truth, my freedom.

#instafamous #lifeisajouney