Hamam Experiences

It’s hard to describe the cave like room I was walked into. It was hot, hella hot. The stone benches were hot, covered with a pad which I was instructed, naked, to sit on while she filled this glorious fountain with scalding hot water. I know it was scalding hot because she then proceeded without warning to throw it over my head with these very fancy silver buckets. I sat feeling almost violated for the briefest of moments. A wet dog. How could she not warn me?

Then I was instructed to lay down, mind you I’m in this hot cave room thing, it’s all very strange…she holds some concoction up to my nose for me to smell then starts rubbing it all over my body. And I mean ALL over. Turn over, the back side too.

Then she just leaves, not a word…I’m like ok…guess I’ll just lay here and try not to die of heat exhaustion. Maybe that’s the point? Or maybe after she tried to drown me she was going to try to cook me? The stuff she rubbed all over my body smelled amazing, I was sweating through it. 15 mins later she comes storming back in, sets me up, throws more water on me, tells me to lay back down and starts scrubbing the hell outta my body, seriously it felt like 80 grit sandpaper on my ass crack.

Commence the throwing of more water. At this point I'm getting used to the rough nature of this part by now.

Then she holds out shampoo for me to smell and starts shampooing my hair while sit there naked. It was so oddly nurturing to me, almost romantic, I’d pay to have someone do that again.

Then she says “shower” ok…so I go over to the shower and shower, while she stands there. Soon as the water is off this woman is attacking me with oil….she rubs oil all over my body while I stand there, naked dripping wet in the shower. So strange, lovely but strange. I’ve never had someone at a spa so happily rub down my lady parts before. Usually they avoid that stuff.

On to phase two. My massage. More oil, more invasive….these women don’t fuck around. Best massage ever, period.

Moral of the story here is if you ever find yourself in Morocco, saunter down one of the many lost alleyways that hide these magnificent places. I would trade 20 expensive LasVegas spa days for one of these. Absolutely soulfully nurturing.