Nobody tells you how to be in your 30’s and single, starting over again. For me it was terrifying. And I had an immediate freakout stage where I was like OMG I have to date. So I did. I had all these dating apps and I went on dates and I dreaded it, hated it, tried to convince myself “hey this is what you need!”. FREEEEDOM.
I then turned to the blog world in search of solace. Surly there were articles about being single in your 30’s. There were, TONS. Tons of well crafted neatly titled blogs about why it was cool to be “Single and 30” like ok sweet. But as I started reading them, going through tab after tab, my heart sunk. None of them applied to me and the millions of other women out there that get married young and end up starting over. (and lets stop calling it starting over as if you get a redo, thats not whats going on here. You spent however many years of your life in a realtionship, your stronger and wiser because of it, it was simply part of your journey, on to the next)
They almost all began “Reason #1 NO KIDS!” followed by a mirage of shit you can do because you had the good sense to go get a high paying degree and focus on your career instead of having kids and getting married. (insert crying face here). FAIL
That night I closed my laptop in defeat and opened one of my many dating apps to start a convo with one of my matches. A Naval Officer because these enlisted types hadn’t been working out so well…that conversation was short lived at the literal mention of the word karaoke. NOPE. I will clearly die alone.
I retreated into my glamper to lick my wounds wondering why I was trying so hard anyway? I actually like being single. Going on dates is stressful for me. I could care less if I have sex or not and my goals in life right now are what is most important to me.
WAIT a minute….ok so maybe I didn’t go get that degree, amazing condo, and fancy life, BUT I still have goals. I am still a badass woman with nothing stopping me from doing whatever I want to do right? Right. This all kinda hit me.
It is incredibly difficult when you have been in the role of wife/mom for so many years to see yourself as a worthy individual separate of that life. A woman with dreams of her own not needing anyone to bolster her. But once I realized I didn’t need anyone and that maybe just focusing on me for once in my life was a good idea I really started to find this sense of peace and happiness I don’t think I’ve ever known before.
I think the key to thriving in a new phase alone when you've always leaned on otheres is learning who you are and what you are capable of before you get into anything new. Give yourself time and space to grow. Be free. Chances are you have felt the need to be with someone. Don’t. Just be you for awhile and relish in that power so you truly have a sense of what you bring to the table next time it is set.